If actual friendships are not reflected on Linkedin, then the effectiveness of the site is limited, and the “connections” are hypothetical at best.

I got a Linkedin invite a couple days ago from someone I’m pretty close to. I was surprised. She was my “friend” and “tweep,” but not a “connection” on Linkedin. So I set out to see who else fit that category. I uploaded my email contacts and checked the Linkedin suggestions based on second and third degree connections.

There were hundreds of people I didn’t know, could not care less about, or had no idea why I had emailed them.

There were over 40 people I know and regularly interact with, but who weren’t Linkedin connections. The group also included a handful of the members of the HRExaminer Editorial Advisory Board, with whom I really do interact professionally.

Most were people I know in real life, and have regular contact with. I know what they do, what they like, and about their kids and pets. I consider them friends. I would do them a favor in a heartbeat. I might even ask them for help. (I’m kind of bad at that last bit.)

The recruiters and HR pros were appalled that we weren’t connected on Linkedin. One friend wrote a note on my Facebook wall asking, “How in hell were we not already connected on Linkedin??”  Another commented on that post, “Seriously?” But when I checked, I wasn’t connected to her either.

Many sent me notes with apologies. It seemed like they felt they had violated some social media commandment, or were afraid the all knowing Recruiter-Force would take away their special powers. (Maybe it was just fear of coal in their stockings. That whole “sees you when you’re sleeping, knows when you’re awake” thing has always creeped me out.)

The simple truth is, they are my friends. We connect on Facebook and in life, not on Linkedin.

I don’t think I’m the only one who is like this. I expect there are many people who have lots of personal relationships that have nothing to do with work or Linkedin. This is not a problem for any of us, because we know how to find each other and ask for help if we’re looking for a job or to hire someone.

It is a problem for Linkedin because its database depends on knowing the true relationships between people. And if actual friendships are not reflected on Linkedin, then the effectiveness of the site is limited, and the “connections” are hypothetical at best.

I may be an outlier. I don’t know. Are you connected to all your friends on Linkedin?

Meanwhile, I’ve updated my connections, including dropping a few. I probably won’t be back to Linkedin anytime soon, because it just suggested I connect with my ex. No thank you, I’ve had enough.

Besides, I rather have friends than connections any day.